Girls Gone Wild

Can I be honest with you?

You seem like such a nice person; I hope it won’t seem presumptuous of me to say that. I just sort of need to talk to somebody, because I’m a little worried about something; well, maybe not worried, but concerned. No, worried.

You see, what’s happening is that I’m always catching Mrs. Kelp passed out in front of “Girls Gone Wild, Doggy Style” lately. I’m tempted to worry that this might mean Mrs. Kelp (to whom, incidentally, I am more than wedded, I am besotted, bewildernessed, and electrocuted; she enriches my every wretched synapse through the freezing cold terrible horribleness, like a terrier) is actually further into urban rap than I originally figured (after all, she is one fine, foxy lady); but it turns out that “Girls Gone Wild” just takes over on the channel she’s always falling asleep to late at night. So there is an explanation for it!

The thing is, I think it sort of makes her look bad. Once you get to a certain point in life, you just tend to worry when your wife watches “Girls Gone Wild, Doggy Style” more than twice a week. I mean, I’m not a young man anymore -and neither is she. What with Valentine’s Day less than a fortnight away, I’m a little nervous (and all the more so because I’m not all that sure how long a fortnight is.)

This isn’t the only problem I have with her viewing habits, either: why, earlier tonight she tried to get me to watch both “Just Shoot Me” and “Suddenly Seeking Susan” -in a row! (It’s worth mentioning that the latter features both Judd Nelson and Brooke Shields -in one show!) And I did try -because I do love her -but I did not succeed, because no one but her could possibly do such a thing. When I returned later, and she was dozing away to “Girls Gone Wild, Doggy Style”, I was positively relieved.

Then again, I suppose everyone is running a little ragged, what with the freezing cold terrible cold terribleness we’ve all been enduring lately. A friend called recently to regale me with the details of the Phil Spector murder case, but I was too busy watching “Joe Millionaire” to come to the phone. Winter is a horrible, agonizing platter of icy horrendous awfulness, but, you have to admit, it sure makes the rest of the year look pretty good. What we need around here is... more cowbell.

We also could use the return of “The Cheap Seats”, one of Cape Cod’s most beloved local music programs, which was recently canceled rather unceremoniously by WKPE. On contacting the show’s hostess and creator, Cat, last week, I was not able to glean much about the reason’s for the show’s sudden departure; it was clear that she didn’t feel at liberty to divulge much about the circumstances.

Cat has always been an ardent supporter and booster of the local scene, though, and it couldn’t hurt to contact the station at this point and give her a little support in return (not sure what ‘KPE has going for email, but their phone # is 508-790-3772.) For her part, Cat recommended supporting the other local music shows, like Suzanne Tonnaire’s Sunday night show on WPXC and Sue LaVallee’s Friday afternoon soiree on WKKL; she also said she’ll still be out there doing her bit wherever she can.

The good news is that Wellfleet’s Patty Larkin has a new album out called “Red = Luck” (Vanguard), and it’s adventuresome enough that I’ll need a few more listens before I can attempt an appraisal. What’s obvious early on is that she’s trying out some interesting new ideas, and even rocking a little harder in spots -all of which sounds encouraging to me.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t have any local dates scheduled in the near future, but she is playing at Sanders Theater in Cambridge on Friday, February 21st, with the wonderful Merrie Amsterberg (who also appears on her album) opening. If you’ve never been to Sanders Theater, it’s gorgeous and intimate and it sounds wonderful -well worth a trip over the bridge!

Next week: part one of a hard-hitting twelve part expose on why fudge isn’t as good as it used to be -stay tuned!