Bill Staines Profile, Probably

Hi! It’s me again. Again with very little exciting news, as expected.

I saw a picture of a box last week. It was pretty.

My aunt had a boat.

See, in the journalism business, you’ve got to be open-minded, because you never know where your next hot lead is coming from. It could be something that sounds totally stupid at first, and then, voila! -it morphs into something that’s almost better than nothing! Well, sometimes it does; not always. (That’s why it’s called, “journalism!”)

Lobsters are stupid. When was the last time a lobster hosted a symposium? -hell of a long time ago.

See, I’m hoping eventually I’ll say something that’ll somehow lead to some other thing, and then that’ll lead to something else; and then in no time the page will be full of words and the column will be done!

Good world series so far, huh?

I certainly like young, good-looking women! Let’s think of one together... I know, Jayne Mansfield!

That reminds me, I have I a very old friend named Bill Staines who’s performing at the First Encounter Coffeehouse in Eastham this weekend, probably on either Friday or Saturday. Unless it’s next weekend, in which case it’s still Friday or Saturday. Or Sunday, maybe. I think it’s this weekend. Pretty soon anyway.

I knew Bill briefly about thirty years ago, and he was a hell of a guy, and put on a swell folksinging show; and I’ll bet he still does, if it’s the same guy.

He’s put out a bunch of records over the years; unfortunately, I haven’t heard them, which is a pity, under the circumstances. I’l bet they’re pretty good, though. Normally, I’d try to get one, somehow, but I called, and he’s away. Alaska, actually, this week. So.

By the way, I just tuned into the Netscape News, and it said “Is Adam Sandler a genius?”, and I’d just like to, as soon as possible, go right on record with the answer, “no.” That guy Paul Michael Thomas Bobby or whatever his name is, the director (he’s got like twelve all-american first names), the one that did “Magnolia” and “Boogie Nights” (both of which I worship; ok, I’ll look it up dammitIhateyou; OK, it’s Paul Thomas Anderson, you happy?)(At least I was close), is possibly a genius of some kind; basically, if he can even get me to consider paying money to go out and see a movie starring Adam Sandler, he is either a genius or a spectacularly sneaky, evil wizard.

Anyway, his new movie “Punch Drunk Love” just came out, to rapturous reviews, and I know they’re probably right, but, damn -Adam Sandler? You mean, literally everyone else was busy? If this movie makes me like Adam Sandler, then, well, I don’t know; I’m just not all that comfortable with it. Do I have to?

If DVDs were really cool they’d have versions of movies where you could substitute actors. I admit it, I’m apprehensive. If Mr. Bobby can put this one over, then he truly is a genius.

I guess I could look up when Bill’s playing, too. What the hell, though, I don’t even know it it’s the same guy or not. This is stupid.

OK, fine, I looked it up, he’s not playing until next week anyway, on Saturday, November 9th; so never mind.

He might not be any good anyway -like I said, I’m not sure if it’s the same guy I think it is -but If you go, tell him ‘hey” for me, unless it turns out not to be him. Then feel free to kind of give him the cold shoulder.