Long Live the Eastham Cuisine!

Let's see, where was I? Ah, yes, my semi-annual year end wrap up...

I think we're all agreed that 2008 was basically a crap year. This week, let's focus on loss, betrayal, and disappointment, and, in so doing, see if we can nudge '09 toward being even worse.

Of course, attitude is everything. You can look at 2008 as the year Obama was elected president, or you can look at it as the eighth year in a row George Bush was president.

In 2008, I lost time, money, self-respect; hair, my temper, mind, nerve, cool, and will to live; and a couple of restaurants I used to really like eating at, but the greatest of these is restaurants I used to really like eating at.

I hear the Seadog in Eastham may re-open in the spring, and I hope it's true, as the Seadog is the closest thing we've had to a diner in Eastham in years, always nice people (thank you Gary and Tracy!), happy to go out of their way to please (I once made them put Bearnaise sauce on a hamburger; my wife, the always fashionable and lithe Mrs. K., could never get over that they offer salads served on top of a bed of french fries; and there was also the time Gary gave me a remote-controlled helicopter for no reason.) Good folks, regular old comfort food, free remote-controlled helicopters - I hope they re-open, but I'm worried.

Back in the fall, D'Arturo's closed. They gave it a good go, too, with an actual in-house p.a. system and a stage for the bands (pretty rare on cape these days), plus, they could make a respectable burger.

Unfortunately, discerning drunks who drive tend to avoid that Rt. 6 stretch in Eastham, which might not be a problem except it's pretty much the only stretch we have in Eastham. I've often said that we should try harder to appeal to drunk people, not only because they're dangerous, undiscerning, and entertaining, but also because they lose things and have trouble counting. To me, it's a dream demographic, but I can't seem to get the powers that be on the same page.

This shouldn't surprise me, as no town on cape prizes its invisibility as much as we do -thus our town slogan, “Keep Drivin'!" (My idea was to add, “unless you're drunk, in which case, stop and set a spell!”, but the town council would have none of it at the meeting, and I was jeered and poked at.)

Or what about the Coast in Orleans, also closed! Terrible idea! Again, good bunch of folks, occasionally great food (on the right night, the deep-fried turkey dinner could be insanely wonderful; on a bad night, you might find yourself questioning their storage methods, but hey, I like to take a chance, nothing ventured, nothing gained.) Plus, they occasionally had some good music and it was a comfortable, nice sounding room and I really tried to talk 'em up but nobody listened and now they're gone and I'm upset, dammit.

Where am I supposed to eat? This place has just been going to hell in a hand basket, ever since Lo Cicero's closed a few years ago -now there was a place! Now, we've got no diversity -we don't even have Friendly's to kick around any more.

The one good thing that happened in 2008 was when some unidentified maniac went to a great deal of trouble to drop a piano off in the middle of the woods in Harwich, implicitly for hiking musicians and various other rusticators and assorted riffraff to use however they saw fit. This completely charming idea was immediately ruined, of course, by the local constabulary, who hauled the piano into the basement of the police station -hard to believe too many folks are going to be jamming away down there.

I say, put the piano back. Perhaps the soothing music can take our minds off the fact that there's no place to eat.

Kelp Year End Shopping Tips (or some damn thing...)

Alrighty, I'm going to try to make this pretty damn snappy, because I've got things to do, so pay attention. I have some shopping I've got to get to.

Well, not shopping, exactly. Because of course I'm making my presents again this year, but even more so, because of The Economy. We're all going down the tubes, sayonara, the jog is up, it's curtains, yes, I'm talking to you, the economical Climate is a not so good. So I'm making my presents this year, because nothing says “cheap” like some awful thing I've made on my own in my room. This year it's pottery, making pottery, most terrible and heinous things that no one could ever want.

Last year I made a big point of getting everyone sweaters, which they hated, totally, invariably despised, so, somehow, I've got to top that. I'm very excited. It's going to be an excruciating, urn-filled holiday season for my friends and loved ones; even casual acquaintances will be made more uncomfortable by the hopeless despair that only pottery can offer.

Which means I've decided to combine my annual godforsaken Christmas Shopping Tips column with my dreaded Year-End Wrap-up column, just in the hope that we can get them both over with faster and I can get back to my kiln.

Movies – nope. Lame year. Sorry -unfortunately, no good movies were released this year. Certainly not ten of them. I could shoot for three, or four, maybe. You can probably blame it on The Economy.

I liked “In Bruges” and “Sweetland”. And we both loved “Wristcutters” and “Vicky Christina Barcelona” (the latter is particularly good if you like gorgeous women.)

Oh, wait, I think I thought of some more: “Daywatch”, the Russian sequel to “Nightwatch” (and not quite as great, but they're both fun); loved “Superbad”, and “Lust Caution” (talk about two movies that are almost identical!); and “Goya's Ghosts” (as fevered, wondrous and ridiculous as another old favorite, Coppola's “Bram Stoker's Dracula”), “This Is England” (which is probably from '07), “Before the Devil Knows You're Dead”, “Snow Angels”, and especially “The Fall” (which is a bit like a darker, more morbid “Time Bandits” in the way it confounds expectations.) OK, I guess I did like some movies.

Does that mean I liked some new music, too? I doubt it. I hate music.

Wait, though, there were some great songs and ok albums. Old pros Randy Newman (with his new “Harps and Angels”), Al Green (“Lay It Down”), David Byrne and Brian Eno (“Everything That Happens Will Happen Today”), and Bob Dylan (with his new outtakes and rarities collection from the last decade or so, “The Bootleg Series Vol. 8: Tell Tale Signs ”) continued to dazzle, as did intriguing new pros Deerhoof (“Offend Maggie”), the Ruby Suns (“Sea Lion”; their earlier album is swell, too, especially if you love later period Beach Boys), and even Nada Surf (“The Weight Is a Gift”.) I also finally, belatedly got going on Elliott Smith (in particular, an album called “New Moon”), and kinda dug the Dodos and the Teeth; and right now I'm listening to an extremely striking new album called “Mythomania” by a group I've never heard of called Cryptacize. So, yeah, again, still some good music. Eleven, again. Wow -creepy.

Oh, man, here we go again -I'm out of room, and I'm half way through. OK, never mind; go buy some of these records for people for Christmas, or download 'em or whatever you kids are doing nowadays. Or rent the videos.

Or just relax! Make some pottery. Scare people.