Tom Tom Club

Years ago, George Carlin did a routine about oxymorons (short phrases that contradict themselves); among his examples were “military intelligence” and “jumbo shrimp.” Many would argue that the term “white funk” should be on the list; certainly, it’s a term that continues to strike terror in the hearts of serious listeners to this day. Try it yourself: draw up a list of great white funk bands. Let’s see, there’s the Talking Heads, and, uh, er... hmmm, pretty short list, alright...

Somehow, the Talking Heads seemed to stumble on to the peculiar alchemy of funk that the other 199% missed, and they did it despite having one of the whitest and (on the surface, anyway) least funky lead singers of all time, David Byrne. Ironically, perhaps his being so notably un-funky contributed to their success as a funk band; the fact that he never fell into the trap of imitating black vocal mannerisms and inflections surely always set the band apart.

No matter what color you are, though, if you’re talking funk, you better have a great rhythm section, and the Talking Heads had Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth (drums and bass, respectively), who took the idea of playing together to a new (some might even say dangerous) extreme by not only getting married, but by staying that way for the next twenty-five years or so (now, that’s a tight rhythm section.)

In 1982 they put out their first album as the Tom Tom Club, and this Wednesday, July 24th, they’ll bring the band to the Wellfleet Beachcomber their first Cape Cod appearance. They might not still have the geeky lead singer, but they’ve still got a lot of the spirit of unbridled joy and celebration that made both the Tom Tom Club and the Talking Heads so much fun way back when.

Talking to Tina between rehearsals last week at their home near Fairfield, CT., it was clear that the flame was still burning brightly, as she went from rhapsodizing over the current line-up (“the current band is the best ever -it’s such a hoot”) to fond reminiscences of the old days. She met husband-to-be Chris Frantz when both were students at the Rhode Island School of Design back in the early seventies.

“We met in painting class; I was making a big mess, and Chris’s roommate came up and said ‘you’re really a s____ painter’, which really kind of hurt at the time, and Chris came up and in this gentlemanly Kentucky drawl said ‘you just ignore him -he can’t paint either!’ Later, Chris got a little 10” black and white TV set and we all used to over to his apartment on Saturday mornings and eat omelets -he’s a fantastic cook -and watch ‘Soul Train’ and practice all the dance moves.”

It was also at RISD that the couple met Byrne, who at the time was called “Mad Dave”, perhaps because he wasn’t a student, he was just hanging around. Eventually, they formed a band with him called the Artistics, but he wasn’t the singer (he’d been brought on board for his guitar playing) and Tina hadn’t started playing bass yet. All that popped up once they’d graduated and moved to New York City -and once Tina happened to see Muddy Waters at the Chicken Box on Nantucket, an experience that overnight convinced her to give up her art career and concentrate full-time on music.

Eight Talking Heads and Five Tom Tom Club albums later, music still rules (though the couple also managed to release a couple of children somewhere along the way). They have a recording studio on the grounds of their home that was large enough to record the live album they’ll be releasing this fall, and their last album, “The Good, the Bad, and the Funky” (Rykodisc) is a solid addition to their already impressive catalog, featuring such delights as “Happiness Can’t Buy Money” (apparently an adaptation of a favorite phrase of Weymouth’s dad) and a guest vocal from the legendary Toots Hibbert on “She’s Dangerous.”

They’ll be an eight-piece at the Beachcomber, and it’s obvious, both from the new album and from our conversation, that they haven’t forgotten how to have an unpretentiously funky good time. As ex-New Yorkers, the events of last 9/11 hit them hard, but gave them all the more reason to saddle up again. As Tina says, “you’ve got to will yourself to optimism.”

Kelp Goes A Huntin'

You know what I like about June bugs? Their fallibility.

Say what you will about June bugs, they occasionally make mistakes. They’re big and fat and clumsy and stupid, and their flight patterns are extremely erratic, and they have all kinds of trouble with screen doors; it’s hard not to identify with them.

Sometimes a June bug will fall over and never figure out how to get back up again and just lie there and die -what could be more adorable?

The thing I like about greenhead flies is that they slow down. They start out pretty zippy early in the season, pesky and competitive, and gradually become fat, slow, and altogether killable (not unlike a certain local baseball team.) In fact, for sheer killability, it’s hard to beat greenheads.

Although I have to say, I really like burning ticks, too. I mean, now we’re really getting a little kinky. If I were the Marquis de Sade (and let’s face it, I am), I think ticks might be my favorite insect to kill of all. Not only do you get to burn them alive, but they make that terrific popping sound when they’re done! Until they make a bug I can blindfold and tie up, ticks will probably be the most interesting insect to kill; although I still think in terms of good, old-fashioned killability, it’s hard to beat the pure, spontaneous joy of clubbing a greenhead to death with your bare hands.

I love summer! I hear there’s been a ton of greenheads out already this season, pestering the tourists. It’s always nice to see the out-of-towners relaxing on the beach, slapping themselves in the head and spitting. Of course, I don’t go to the beach much -my flight pattern’s too erratic...

Let’s see what else there is to do around here for entertainment lately. There’s some interesting new joints to shop, especially in Wellfleet, where you can browse at places with names like The Pickle and Puppy, or Two Girls With Good Taste (though my wife, the delicate but sizzling Mrs. K, tells me that the latter looks kind of ritzy through the window but always seems to be closed; she’s even suggested an alternate moniker: Two Girls With Expensive Taste in a Big Barn That’s Never Open.)

I’ve also got to hand it to whoever decided to call their new age store in Orleans the Om Depot -if I ever get spiritual enough for affirmation cards, that’s definitely where I’m going. Still, my favorite name for a business on Cape Cod remains the Pleasant Trowel, which is a garden store in Harwich; I can’t really explain it -it just gets me.

I rented a video recently that we loved, which was a movie by the Norwegian director Hans Petter Moland (don’t worry, though -it’s in English) called “Aberdeen”, a drama about a mother dying of cancer who convinces her coke-snorting lawyer daughter to find her drunken father and bring him to see the mother before she dies. Featuring uniformly excellent acting from Charlotte Rampling, Ian Hart, wonderful newcomer Lena Headley (actually, turns out she’s done lots of stuff, but I’d never seen her before -though I’ll certainly be keeping an eye peeled from now on); and especially Stellan Skarsgård, who makes a stunningly believable washed-up drunk, the movie is brutal, funny, real, surprising, and heart-breaking. I watched it twice in a row, and I don’t remember ever doing that before.

I think the French “Amelie” just came out on video, too, as well as “The Royal Tannenbaums”, both of which are wonderful as well.

If you’re still not satisfied after all your movie-going, shopping, and bug-killing, there’s a swell bill at the Melody Tent in Hyannis tomorrow (Saturday), with John Hiatt and Loudon Wainwright III (the latter being one of my favorite contemporary songwriters. I once played bongos with him, many years ago, but I think he may have been too drunk to notice; at least, it would appear that way.)

And if you’re more into sea chanteys (and who is?), my friend Stephen Preu has asked me to mention that he will be doing a rare live appearance tonight (Friday) at the Cape Cod National Sea Shore. In retrospect, I wish I could narrow that location down a little, town-wise, but that’s what he said. I’d try Eastham first, though, because, as everyone knows, Eastham is the hippest.